By Lubomyr Luciuk
Nov 22, 2025
Like most North Americans, I’m neither a billionaire nor a real estate developer, and I’ve never met Donald Trump. But I do follow the news, and I’ve read the “28-point peace plan” that his special envoy, Steve Witkoff, pretends will end Russia’s war against Ukraine. It’s been called a wonderful plan—like nobody’s ever seen before—except Putin, whose minions likely drafted it.
Inspired by the same spirit of bold, beautiful, deadline-driven peacemaking, here are Donald Trump’s Ten Commandments for ending the Palestinian–Israeli conflict, which has been festering for almost as long as he has been alive.
Admittedly, it’s a little rushed, but by this Thursday, November 27, Israel and the Palestinian Authority must accept the following terms. Prompt compliance will definitely please the laird occupying the parts of the White House not yet bulldozed, allowing him to bestow a Thanksgiving boon on us all—the “Trump Nobel Peace Prize Plan.” He can then move on to pardon a different kind of turkey out in the Rose Garden.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if…
- Israel’s right to exist and sovereignty were confirmed by everyone—which might as well happen since it is guaranteed by the USA forever anyway (albeit see commandment 10).
- Palestine’s sovereignty was assured by the USA, the UK, the Russian Federation, and Israel (using the Budapest Memorandum’s precise text for any pledges made to Palestinians).
- Israel kept most of its current territory, minus the West Bank and East Jerusalem, with those once-occupied territories set aside as a contiguous Palestinian state. Fixing pesky geopolitical problems is easy if you practice the art of the deal—just look at Steve’s “Peace for Pieces” scheme or, to use the president’s preferred terminology, “dismemberment with dignity.”
- The Gaza Strip was reshaped into a neutral land “of milk and honey,” a “Riviera of the Middle East,” under the exclusive management of a prominent Washington family and selected investment partners, in perpetuity (again, see #10 below).
- Palestinian and Israeli leaders met at the Mar-a-Lago Club or the Faena Hotel (more gold ornaments there!) to sign a comprehensive non-aggression pact, promising never to alter these best-ever borders. Caveat: real estate oligarchs (see #4 above and #8 below) should ignore the fourth commandment. They would anyway.
- Israel gave up its nuclear weapons and confirmed its status as a non-nuclear state, or at least said that it had. No inspections required—In God We Trust!
- Israel and Palestine introduce education and tolerance programs to reduce hostility toward Muslims, Jews, and Christians, the “People of the Book.” Other faith groups—Hindus, Buddhists, and assorted pagans—don’t count. Seek guidance on this from the God Bless the U.S.A. Bible, “the only Bible endorsed by President Trump.” Limited, signed, premium deluxe collector’s editions are still available, for a slight additional investment. Everlastingly in print.
- A peaceful transfer of all Palestinians currently living in Israel, and all Jews/Israelis living in East Jerusalem and the West Bank, was carried out within two weeks, or 100 days, or whatever, under the direction of the fantastic Washington clan referenced above (#4). All moves are final. Standard realtor commissions will apply. Hebrew, Arabic, Russian, and American-speaking operators are standing by. Discerning buyers note: housing units with excellent views of the separation barrier (a.k.a. “apartheid fence”) are still available for purchase, lease, or rent in many parts of Judea and Samaria.
- On the day this “Ishmael and Isaac Accord” is signed, representatives of the Palestinian Authority—along with whoever’s left in those Hamas tunnels—appear live on Al Jazeera and declare, in Hebrew and Arabic, that they renounce every nasty thing they ever said about the Jews and apologize sincerely for any hurt feelings caused. This recording will immediately become the mandatory ringtone on every cell phone in the Holy Land for no fewer than the 40 years it took for the chosen people to march out of Egyptian bondage and into their Promised Land.
- All holy sites remain accessible to People of the Book until our (next) Lord returns. After His Second Coming, any remaining disputes will be referred upward for judgment.
Amen, and as always, thank you for your attention to this matter!
